I thought I’d go ahead and ring in the new year with a little fun. 🙂
Apparently, some of our esteemed legislators are battling it out via public comments on public breastfeeding. It seems one man thinks that if a woman likes to “whip out her nipple,” (um, who does that?) then she shouldn’t mind if he wants to “grab it.”
Well. I’m not entirely sure where to start with that one. Or, maybe it goes like this:
Public breastfeeding is not exhibitionism. It is feeding a baby. There’s a huge difference between opening your bra to feed your baby, and “whipping it out” for others to stare at. Women don’t want you to look while they’re nursing — really. And, the fact that you think that a woman’s breast being out for *any* purpose gives you permission to “grab” her is…scary. Seriously.
I thought I’d just add to the conversation, and give you my 10 reasons why you shouldn’t breastfeed in public. No, really.
10 Reasons You Shouldn’t Breastfeed in Public
1. You might make a full-grown adult uncomfortable
I mean…honestly? You never know who’s around. Someone might feel uncomfortable that you’re feeding your baby. And that’s, just, like, taboo in society. You can’t make someone feel uncomfortable. Don’t you have any manners?
2. You might give an adult a sore neck, from having to look away so hard
If they’re uncomfortable, that adult might have to look away. And that might cause a crick in their neck that could last for minutes. How rude of you to cause them such pain!
3. You have to teach that baby that other peoples’ needs for “comfort” come before their basic right to eat
Your baby’s at least days old — she needs to learn that her needs don’t come first. Empathy, darn it!
4. Your baby’s lungs need exercise and what better way to get that than by letting them scream from hunger
You know the old saying — babies cry to exercise their lungs. And they need to, so they can breathe better. Or something. Or maybe so they can play the tuba when they’re older. Regardless, the best way to make ’em scream a lot is just not to feed them. So really, this is good for your baby…in the long run.
5. You might accidentally flash some nipple and give someone a heart attack — that’s a public health risk!
You know that there might be some people out there who just can’t take the sight of a nipple. And no matter how careful you are, as your baby is latching or unlatching, there might be a brief, split-second nip-flash. That could give some people a heart attack. You can’t be responsible for that, now can you?
6. Your baby needs to learn that his wants can’t always be met immediately
Come on now…life’s just not fair. We can’t always get what we want. The sooner your baby learns that his needs can’t be met immediately, the better. For some reason.
7. You might put other parents in an uncomfortable position — maybe they’re not ready for “the talk” with their children (you know, about breasts)
Everybody parents differently, you know. That means there might be children around who are curious about why you’re feeding your baby with the no-no parts of your body…and then other parents might have to actually explain that your baby is eating! That could get really uncomfortable — who are you to force that on a parent before they’re ready?
8. It’s disgusting — I mean, breast milk is practically like pee, how unsanitary
Because you know — breast milk and waste products are the same things. They both nourish a baby. Oh wait….
9. You need to learn a lesson about planning your baby’s feedings better
Haven’t you heard of scheduled feedings? Your baby should eat only every 3 hours, and you should plan to feed the baby before you leave (in private while staring lovingly into his/her eyes the entire time, because this is an intimate bonding moment!), and then not again until you get home. And if baby doesn’t care and gets hungry too soon? See #6.
10. You need to care a whole lot about society’s opinion of your parenting
This is really the most important one. You’re supposed to really care what society thinks of you. It matters a lot if they think you’re doing a good job as a parent or not. I mean, your entire self-worth and all of your major parenting decisions should definitely be made by society at large. How could you think otherwise?
Any other reasons why you shouldn’t breastfeed in public?