10 Things No One Told You About The Third Trimester

OK, so I have this app that tracks my pregnancy.  I am sure you have the same one or one very similar.  Not telling the name, but it rhymes with chump.

I got it because I thought my children would like to track the development of the baby in the womb.  All the, “Your baby is the size of a kumquat” stuff seems to work for kids.  I had a feeling the rest of it would annoy me. Sure enough, I was right.

The “what to expect” portion of each week’s update reads like a horror film.  “This week you baby is the size of a zucchini. Oh and by the way, your body hates you.”  It goes on to say you’re gonna have hemorrhoids and constipation and muscle cramping and heartburn and morning sickness and swelling and irritability and painful breasts and on and on and on.  Seriously, with PR like this, it’s no wonder women are scared of pregnancy and birth!

Where’s the joyful stuff?  Where’s the “this is all the cool stuff you’re gonna feel in this trimester”?  I want that stuff.#yesthankyoumoreplease

I am in the third trimester of my 9th pregnancy. Guess what? I still think this stuff is cool. I still LIKE being pregnant!

So, to fill in the gaps from the apps, here are some things you can expect in the third trimester:

Number One: Crazy dreams.

Not scary ones, but just crazy ones.  The third trimester is like a 3 month like acid trip. If I could bottle the essence of third trimester I know I could sell it on Venice beach.  An example? My husband built us a little round space pod and we (and by we I mean me, my husband, my pastor’s daughter, and Jake Gyllenhaal) were going to take a trip around Mars together. Groovy, no?

Number Two: I’m hungry.

Not, in a “I think I could eat a little something” way but in a feed-me-right-now-and-no-one-will-get-hurt sort of way.  And it’s pretty awesome actually. I don’t deny myself. Probably because 1) I tend to keep healthy stuff in the house and 2) I don’t weigh myself anyway.  So, no, I don’t eat a bag of potato chips by myself.  But, I will go into the kitchen at 11pm and make crepes.  Or fix a steak at 7am. Eating like a Hobbit rocks.

Number Three: Growing another person is hilarious.

It throws your balance and spacial perception completely off. I laid down on the grass watching my son play baseball and couldn’t get up again. I just laid there like a incapacitated beetle on her back unable to roll over or pull up. I laughed until I cried. Good ab work out.

Or there was that time I was in a hammock that was just far enough off the ground that I couldn’t quite get the traction to extract myself.  And my husband was gone for the evening.  I just sat there, stuck in the hammock in a hysterical fit of laughter while the mosquitoes feasted on my ample pregnancy flesh. It was like an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Number Four: Balance Problems.

That whole losing your balance thing also causes me to break a lot of glasses and dishes in my third trimester. This is actually a plus, because it means I can get new stuff. #silverlining

Number Five: Pillows.

Rolling over in bed takes a three point turn and you get to use all the pillows in the house. I dare anyone to deny me their pillow.

Number Six: Hiccups.

When the baby gets hiccups, it is fun to watch your belly jump.

Number Seven: Bathroom Breaks.

Standing in line for public restrooms — everyone lets you cut in front of the line! #winning

Number Eight: Naps.

I love naps. And in the third trimester I have every excuse to take as many as I want. So there.  If anyone says anything, “Hey, when you’re growing a human I’ll let you take a lot of naps, too.”

Number Nine: Less running around.

About the time my belly starts rubbing up against the steering wheel my husband takes over all the grocery shopping and errand running. No complaints here. Standing in line at the post office is not my favorite thing anyway. And this frees me up to take more naps.

Number Ten: It’s sublime.

Here’s what I think about when I am laying there in bed with the baby doing gymnastics under my rib cage: Inside of me is a completely separate, yet interdependent human person. Somehow God has trusted me to carry an eternal soul and to bring that new life into new existence.  With God’s help I am growing something (someone!) eternal! A living, moving, thinking, feeling person made in the image of the Divine is actually inside my womb.  Just set that on the scale opposite all the pregnancy discomforts and woes and well….it just can’t compare.

So, I am not in a hurry to get through my pregnancy, as much as I am looking forward to kissing this baby.  I want to carry this wee one a little bit longer, a little bit closer and just live in the awe that is pregnancy.  What a gift.  I want to treasure every day I get to participate in the life-giving process that is pregnancy.

How about you? What do you love about being pregnant?

Daja is the happy mom of eight children with one on the way. All her babies have been born at home with a midwife.  She still likes to roar, but now takes at least 40 days postpartum before roaring in public.  She is the co-founder of The Provision Room, with her bestie, Kristina, where they write about abundant home-centered living! Together Daja and Kristina write, speak and proclaim that a joyful life can be found in hearth and home! This includes traditional foods, natural remedies, gentle parenting, liturgical living, and just enough quirkiness to keep you guessing!