The other day I sat at my computer, preparing to go through my grocery list. The kids were napping, and our shopping was 2/3 done, so I needed to check and update what I’d gotten, what I still needed, and make some other arrangements. (For example…Whole Foods had unsalted, hormone-free butter on sale for $1.49/lb., so I bought 10! That is through next Tuesday, just in case anyone wants to take advantage of that.) I could not find a single writing utensil, so I hit up the kids’ crayon box.
I found it amusing enough to post to Facebook: “You know you’re a mother when you update your grocery list with a crayon.”
Apparently that hit home, because 80 people “liked” it and several commented with their own ideas. 🙂 I thought I’d expand on that with some other amusing motherhood thoughts. So….
You Know You’re A Mother When…
…you never, ever take a shower or bath alone.
…you never even go to the bathroom alone, and if you do manage to sneak away but forget to lock the door, someone comes looking for you and opens the door as wide as possible while you are on the toilet.
…every piece of clothing you own is stained, and *most* of that wasn’t your fault.
…you sometimes forget to brush your hair in the morning because you are too busy chasing the kids down to brush theirs.
…you say something so ridiculous you have to try really hard not to laugh, lest they think you are not serious. “Stop dragging your brother around by his feet!” or “Don’t decorate your chair with spaghetti noodles!”
…your house is never, ever, ever actually clean. Because if you try to clean, the kids follow you around and tornado the area you just finished.
…you have screamed, “I will throw all of these toys away if you do not clean them up!” have actually done so, then have gotten mad that the kids were bugging you because they didn’t have anything to play with.
…never get to eat a single bite of food without having to share.
…get tired of hearing “moooooooooooooooooom, moooooooooooooooom” all day long, usually said in the whiniest possible voice.
…have ever caused people to stare at you in public because you were charging down the mall screaming “DO NOT GET ON THAT ESCALATOR!” as your 2-year-old runs, laughs and lifts one foot towards that bottom step…. (yup, that really happened to me last week)
…there is a constant fine carpet of crumbs throughout your house, from all those snacks the kids “know” aren’t supposed to leave the kitchen.
…your son has heard you say “no touch drawer” so many times that he points at a picture of you and says “No touch drawer!” (yeah, that really happened too)
…you hide your favorite cookies somewhere up high, but your kids find them anyway and devour them, causing you to have a meltdown because your nap time snack is gone.
…you’re happy at the end of a meal if no one threw any food, spit out any food, or felt the need to talk about poop, boogers, or other bodily functions.
…when table manner instructions include “We do NOT eat like piggies” and “knives are not for sword fighting.”
…when you find poop on the floor in your house, but you don’t have any animals (just a not-yet-potty-trained toddler).
…have ever walked into the kitchen to find THIS:
…have ever had someone say, “Oh, your wallet fell out of your purse!” but what they were really seeing was your tiny, fits-in-the-diaper-bag purse you carry around, and the huge purse that your daughter insisted on bringing so she could “be like mommy.”
…have had to translate toddler-speak for another adult. “Oh, he said that dragons are coming and he has to hide so they don’t eat him.”
…have ever said, “Oh, that’s great that dragons are coming! You had better hide fast!”
…have stopped caring the game your children are playing is rough and kind of weird, as long as they are all happy.
…have seen several Disney/Pixar movies about 200 times each, and can recite some scenes word-for-word.
…you dance and sing like a total dork, while your kids beg you to stop, and you don’t care.
…cannot stop thinking about your kids during the few moments that you have to yourself (supposing that you get any).
…you get all the hugs and kisses and snuggles you could ever want. (and more)
…your kids totally drive you crazy, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂
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I did a guest post on a similar topic for What to Expect (yes, the pregnancy site). It’s called “10 Things I Thought I’d Never Say.”