Why Social Media Is My Highlight Reel

In the last several months, I’ve become more and more wary of social media.

I can absolutely see good in it.  Social media allows me to stay in contact with family and friends, some of whom don’t live close to me.  (And some of whom do – it’s nice to be able to chat with a friend sometimes!)  It’s allowed me to connect with all of you, my readers. It allows me to run across and explore diverse viewpoints, and spend an inordinate amount of time pondering those new viewpoints and re-shaping my ideas about the world.

But, social media also allows people to be nasty, attack others, and become desensitized, as well as to gain their popularity in alternative ways, such as by getting subscribers from themarketingheaven.com.  It doesn’t feel the same as talking to a real person because you can’t see their facial expression or hear their immediate reaction to your words.  It’s so easy to see an idea you don’t like and lash out at the person who is sharing it in a way you would never do in real life.

I have observed conversations that occur online deteriorate rapidly into both “sides” of any issue screaming, swearing, and stereotyping those with a different belief.  It’s in no way helpful to anyone.  In contrast, in real life, when people start talking about something that someone else doesn’t agree with, the outlier will simply become quiet, possibly express a different opinion gently, or just change the subject.  It doesn’t end in an all-out screaming fight.

Social media, used poorly, is a tragedy.

And yet, in the midst of all this, there are voices that are speaking out.  They are saying that social media would be better if we all were more authentic.  If we let people see that we’re human, and we’re not perfect.  That social media, in addition to being negative in the ways I mentioned above, becomes difficult because it’s a “highlight reel” for so many – and we end up comparing our imperfect (and possibly terrible) moments to other peoples’ best moments.  We owe it to the world to be more honest.

I say we don’t.

For so many, many reasons, my social media is my highlight reel, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.

Using Social Media Cautiously

On social media, I am friends with a lot of people.  Only a small percentage of them do I know in real life.  The rest are people who follow my work, advocates, and others with whom I have things in common.

I’ve become more aware that I have to be careful about what I share.  Because I have so much “public” reading my posts, I don’t say when I’m going to be away from home or out of town, or where exactly I will be, or even where exactly I live.  Most know I live in Ohio. That’s enough.

While this isn’t necessarily a concern for most, it should be, if your profile is public.  I guarantee that people you knew years ago, or future bosses, or your neighbors, are looking you up.  Are you okay with what they see?

Even if your profile is locked down…who are you friends with?  A former high school or college classmate you haven’t seen in years?  Former teachers or neighbors?  You don’t really know who’s reading it, or what they’re thinking about you.

I’ve also observed that when I used to complain on social media, most everyone ignored it.  Or told me I was lucky I didn’t have _____ problem instead.

It goes back to that desensitization.  We’re constantly seeing tragic stories in our newsfeed and the “trending topics.”  We get overwhelmed by all the negativity that we see.  We judge one story against another, without regard for the people that those stories really affect.

Ultimately, social media isn’t a great place for really connecting with people.  It’s good to keep in touch from afar, but it’s not about relationships.

The Highlight Reel

I no longer use my social media the way I used to.

I don’t try to be “real” anymore.  Don’t try to post about the minutiae of my day.  And honestly?  I don’t think anyone really needs to.

Social media is my highlight reel.  It’s where I post the cute things my kids said or did.  Where I share adorable pictures of them sleeping sweetly or posing with me.  It’s where I share the odd thought that I’ve had and want to discuss.

But, when the bad stuff happens, I don’t post it.  When something’s challenging, I don’t say it.  When I’m out doing something fun with friends, I don’t even say that.

Why not?

I save the real parts of my life, for my actual life.

I’ve made it a point to spend more time lately with my friends and family.  I talk to my husband, face-to-face, about what’s gone on that day.  (Or we chat online, privately, if we can’t be together.)  I go to parks and playgrounds with my friends during the day, and we invite them over at night.  We visit our friends and family.

And yes – when I’m with people, physically, that I really know and who are really a part of my life, I tell them the good and the bad.  I tell them the stories that aren’t so happy or nice.  Commiserate with them, complain to them, and share all the important parts of my life.

I build relationships with my friends and family by being with them, helping them, allowing them to help me, spending time with them in the real world on a regular basis.

My online relationships?  They just aren’t the same.

And they shouldn’t be.  Online relationships are casual.  They’re shallow.  They’re not real.

That’s not to say that an online relationship can’t develop into a real friendship.  I have met people online that became my real-life friends through chatting and in-person meetings (including my husband!).  But relationships that remain only via public social media aren’t real relationships.

My real friends deserve to know the “real me.”  They deserve to see me when I’ve got it all together, and when I’m a mess.  Just like I see them when they’re doing well, and I drop by with herbs when they’re sick.  That’s community.  That’s real life.

Keep Real Life, Real

I like social media, and I like my phone and laptop.  I use them a lot.

But, I keep my real life, real.  I carve out time – more and more, a lot of time – to be away from screens and to be with people face-to-face.  I focus on developing actual relationships with people.  It’s so much more important than screens and tenuous connections.

If people want to know me, it’ll have to be offline.  They’ll see me in yoga pants and no makeup, they’ll see my messy house, they’ll know when I’ve had a bad morning and exactly what I (shouldn’t have) said to my kids.

But online?  All those people will get just the highlights.  Just the cute pictures, the fun sayings, the triumphant moments, the Pinterest-worthy home.  That’s the way it’s going to be.

How do you feel about social media as a “highlight reel?”