When You Have a ‘Missed’ Miscarriage

guest October 5, 2012

Image by janineomg

If you have ever had one, you will never forget. The question runs on loop: “How could I not know?”

What is a “Missed” Miscarriage?

A missed miscarriage occurs when the in-utero baby dies, but the mother is experiencing no signs of impending loss.   Often times, the mother may continue to have pregnancy-like symptoms and have experienced no bleeding, cramping, or other signs of concern. The transition back to a pre- pregnancy state can sometimes be delayed for two months or even longer.

The devastating news of ‘miscarriage’ comes as quite a shock. In a situation of missed miscarriage, it would be quite common for the woman to attend a normal prenatal checkup thinking everything is just fine, only to find out that her baby is gone, and may have been gone for some time. A missed miscarriage is often revealed through the inability to obtain fetal heart tones with a Doppler at a regularly scheduled prenatal visit. An ultrasound may then be done to establish fetal viability.

The sequence of events, leading up to the resulting ‘missed’ loss, can result in pain that is unique. With a missed miscarriage, it is often a complete emotional derailment and may result in feelings that one’s body has betrayed the mind.

Though the baby has been gone, the body has continued in some or all symptoms of pregnancy. The breasts may stay enlarged and morning sickness may continue for some time. The duration and extent to which the physical symptoms recede into that of pre-pregnancy is highly individual. The new mother continues to live with a pregnancy body. Her mind knows that any day could be the day the body becomes privy. One day soon, her body will rebel, empty the uterus, and forge forward toward the next cycle of womanhood.

Emotional Aspects of Missed Miscarriage

This waiting is often emotionally excruciating. Once it is determined that the pregnancy has ended, there are options. A mother may choose to undergo a dilation and curettage (D&C) or vacuum procedure under the care of hospital staff to quickly remove remnants of pregnancy from the uterus.

Some women may choose to allow their bodies to dictate the process and pass the pregnancy naturally. The natural miscarriage process can take some time. First trimester losses typically only take one or two months. The waiting is probably the number one reason many women opt against the natural course seeking surgical removal.

Women who choose to carry the pregnancy to natural end should seek care from their midwife or obstetrician and remain in contact, attending regular follow up appointments. Your provider can give you recommendations and advice regarding proper care, what to expect physically, how to monitor temperature and discharge, as well as provide any follow-up care needed.

If you are Rh-negative, a suspected miscarriage would be a reason for discussing obtaining a RhoGam shot from your health care provider, as blood mixing can occur.

When there is no determined reason for loss of pregnancy, the mother may wish to seek out ways to strengthen her body for a next pregnancy. Some things may include: increasing folic acid in the diet; drink a Red Raspberry leaf tea infusion daily; improve overall nutrition; limit drinking, smoking, caffeine and other substance abuse; consider obtaining acupuncture or other complimentary care; if over or under weight, work to obtain proper weight for height.

Have you ever experienced a “missed” miscarriage?  What helped you to get through it?

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  1. I just went through this. I am so thankful that I waited to miscarry naturally. The wait was long (3 weeks after we found out. The baby would have been 10 weeks 4 days.) but I trusted God and my body to know when it was time to let go. For me, this meant that I was ready for the trauma of the physical loss, and feeling the physical pain helped me work through the emotional pain. We have never quite been clear on the status of our fertility (complications with me, and a vas reversal for my husband), so I am thankful every single day that God allowed me to “feel” pregnant for as long as I did. I have the joy of knowing that I will always be a mama!


  2. My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. It was really all so traumatic.
    I had only been married three months when I was suddenly pregnant (I was 20). Very unexpected. We trusted that God knew what He was doing because we were (still are!) young and poor. Then, at my 12 week appointment I had a second ultrasound only to see.. nothing. Our baby had virtually vanished, but I had no idea. I still didn’t really even understand what had happened until we were moved to an examination room (after being sent back out to the waiting room. which I still have beef about) and my doctor started telling me this was unexpected.
    My heart and mind felt very betrayed, but we still clung to the truth of God being in control! We just didn’t understand.
    I did schedule a D&E, but my body began naturally miscarrying two days after the appointment (they suspected that my baby had died about four weeks earlier). I did go to the ER when the bleeding was more severe than expected. But, I am glad that it happened naturally and I would choose that route if I ever had to again. Though I pray not.


  3. My first pregnancy ended with a missed miscarriage. I was 12 weeks pregnant and did start having spotting. When I went to the hospital, I found out that the baby had died 3 weeks earlier. All pregnancy symptoms were still there, but the baby had no heartbeat. I did end up scheduling a D&C because I did not feel I could handle the emotional pain of naturally miscarrying, especially since I didn’t know how long it would take. The entire experience was devastating to my husband and me. That was my first baby and will always be my first baby, no matter how many other children we have.


  4. A few months ago I found out I was pregnant my very first time. My boyfriend and I where very excited. I had been wanting a baby for over 2 years. I went to the Dr when I was 4 weeks and got to see my very small baby. The Dr asked me to come back for an ultrasound the very next week because it was too small to get a due date. The second ultrasound showed a slightly larger little spec but there was no heartbeat.. the ultrasound tech told me not to worry it usually doesn’t show that early. Then I got a call from the Dr saying my ultrasounds where inconsistent with each other and they wanted to do a 3rd one. Of course I freaked out and thought the worst. I went to the 3rd appointment and it showed a tiny 6 week baby with a heartbeat. I was so glad and I thought my baby was ok but my mother worried that the baby wasn’t growing right. I waited 2 weeks and went to the ob very excited to see my baby again. Not long after they inserted the sonogram instrument they told me the baby was only measured at 6 weeks 3 days and there was no heartbeat. I was devastated and did not hear any other word they said after that. Heartbroken I went back home and cried myself to sleep. I still have my sweet angel inside of me and it’s been 3 weeks but the Dr does not want to do a d&c. The wait is agonizing and I can’t help but feel like it was my fault, though I know it wasn’t. 🙁 I wouldn’t wish this heartbreak on anyone.


  5. I am going through this right now. Hopefully my story will help someone else out there:
    The long story is that my husband and I moved from the west coast back east this past September. In August I stopped the pill because our insurance was going to change and the pill I was on at full price was ridiculous. I have been trying to go “natural” with most other things in my life so I figured that the hormone pills each month weren’t necessary and if we get pregnant we are ready. 🙂 I am not sure what my real cycle had turned into as we experienced new stress and I was actually exercising more since we got a membership at the YMCA. In November I had a two day cycle and I thought that the exercising and stress maybe caused me to have a different cycle. December rolled around with Christmas and my husband traveling with work and it never occured to me to ever take an at home pregnancy test. When my period didn’t come the week of Christmas I didn’t even suspect anything and the first week of January I had one day of a “flow” and thought oh my, what if I am experience “peri-menopause”?? Well, it wasn’t until after my pap smear results from 12/20 my annual exam and estabilishing care with a physician in our new city, was it discovered at an abnormal pap smear procedure appointment, that the “pee in a cup” test announced I was pregnant! Now let me tell you how this unexpected news affected me and my mom (who was visiting since my husband had to travel an entire week.) So I take this news home and see my husband the next day who after letting our dog tell him with a message on his collar he would be a “canine big brother hopefully in 9 mths”, our physician schedules a Pregnancy Confirm visit the next week (1/30). We go to the apointment and it was determined we were going to have our first ultrasound. The tech not OB does both abdominal and vaginal and there was no heartbeat detected with either. The measurement was 8 wks and 5 days and I was at the other side of extreme shock. I had only been told I was pregnant less than a week earlier. So of course she gave me options to either wait it out naturally, take a medicine to induce the misscarriage or have a surgery. Although I agreed at first for a surgery because three weeks sounded like eternity, my husband and I went home and of course I had to google “8 weeks and no heartbeat” and “misdiagnosis misscarriage” – Boy did my attitude change and I wanted a second opinion. I had to travel this week to visit familly because my husband was again going to be traveling for an entire week and there was a chance I might have to go through this “natural misscarriage” alone. So far no bleeding and Monday I was able to see a local OB who accepted our insurance and was a friend of my brother and his wife. Again we did a preg test and it showed still pregnant with HCG and then the vaginal US showed more detail this time but no heartbeat and the OB said with full confidence that it was an abnormally growing fetal developement and there should be a heartbeat. I scheduled the D&C for tommorow morning and today has really been tough even though I know biologically and medically there is no hope a heartbeat would just magically appear. Although my pregancy symptoms were never really evident besides noticing I did have fuller breasts and even though I usually frequent the restroom, this had significantly incresaed as well. The past two days since my 2nd US, I have had period like cramps and a fullness in my abdomen which is lower. It feels like things are already moving but I really cant bear at this point to wait anymore. It is not that my husband and I were “trying” or that we are impatient to “try again”, but knowing I am carrying something inside me that isn’t living is difficult to grasp. I dont’ think waiting naturally would aid the situation especially after seeing in more detail what I would be passing. Anyone else currently dealing with this? How did you share with anyone other than your family?


  6. In January I found out that I was 8 weeks pregnant. It wasn’t planned and I was on the pill, but have since found out that for some reason the pill doesn’t work for me. It was my second pregnancy, but my first child. I had had a miscarriage a few years previous at around 15 weeks and had to have a d&c for it to be removed. My partner already has two kids and so we were ready for the baby. After the initial shock of finding out I was pregnant, I then started to get excited, thinking of names and wanting to go shopping. My morning sickness was so severe that I was nearly hospitalized a few times. I went to my first appointment and got my folder and all my future appointment dates and that’s when it sunk in that I was going to be a mum. A few weeks later was my first scan and I was so excited. I was 12 weeks pregnant. At the ultrasound i seen the nurses face as she struggled to find anything and she then performed an internal vaginal ultrasound. Thats when she told us that our baby had died and we were left with thenever We were never told how old our baby was when we lost it, so i will never know. I chose the option to miscarry naturally as to be honest I just wanted to get out of the hospital with all the pregnant woman in front of me. I went home and I cried and that’s when the bleeding started. I had read that it would be light and spotted, however that wasn’t the case. It was really heavy and really painful. After 3 weeks like this I then started having contractions, I was in the fetal position and everything and panting like I was giving birth. I was like this for 2 days having contractions every few minutes. I would have went to the hospital but we don’t have a car and have no money for a taxi and I didn’t want toeing an ambulance as I thought it would he silly. When the contractions finally ended I felt so depressed as I just been through all that pain and had nothing to show for it, no baby to hold. Today it is 5 weeks since my miscarriage and I am still bleeding, although it’s still a lot it’s a lot less than I was. I’m still passing tissue occasionally. Sorry tmi! And although my grieving hasn’t stopped, I do feel a lot better. Because I had already previously had a miscarriage I didn’t tell my family. So the only people that know is myself and my boyfriend, we are both dealing with it in completely different ways, because I carried the baby my loss is a lot more emotional. Whereas he never bonded with the baby cos it wasn’t there he couldn’t feel it, I think he is just upset over me being upset.


  7. Here is my situation if anyone has any encouraging words of advice. I went to get an ultrasound at what I thought was 6w5d. The radiology tech said that I measured at about 6 weeks just like I thought but that there was no fetal heartbeat. She got another lady whom I believed to be a doctor. This lady stated that I was at about 9-10 weeks and that the baby probably stopped developing 2 weeks prior. I got my hcg levels checked that folloWing week (7w5) that I had to beg for and my hcg levels had gone from 1560 four weeks prior to 20, 000. My doctor was reluctant to do anything else after the US showed no heart beat and pushed for a D&C. I got another hcg level drawn that folloWing Saturday (8w2d) and my levels dropped to 18, 000. My doctor is convinced it is a missed miscarriage (which occurred at 7 weeks per the US )and is still pushing for a D&C but because all of the miscommunication/ misinformation from all Different people, I almost just want to wait until natural miscarriage occurs. I have nOt had any symptoms and in a bit of denial partially because I don’t trust my OB. Any insight?


  8. @becky, ….you just wrote my life story there. I am now 1 week post natural miscarriage and still bleeding. This is my third miscarriage, and I still feel out of sorts….


  9. I am not sure what I had but I am suppose to be 9 – 10 weeks pregnant..went for first sonar on 30-08-2013.. Only to found out from him I’m not pregnant anymore, yet I still have the symptoms after sonar. I started having pains and cramps and spotting 2 days ago before the sonar and day of sonar morning early as I woke heavy bleeding and I started phoning when I got there he did the sonar and told me I have no baby..did a pregnancy test right there which came out negative and still waiting on blood tests =( this sucks


  10. This completely rocked my world. Found out I was pregnant. It was unplanned but not unwanted. I adjusted and became super excited. Had an US at 8 weeks and the little blob had a great heartbeat. Had morning sickness and sore breats and every other symptom. Went for scheduled 12 week exam and brought the DVD to record the US. I was excitedly watching the giant US screen and could tell immediately there was no heartbeat and the baby DiDNT seem as developed as it should. Long story short, it was a missed miscarriage. Baby had died at 10 weeks and I had no clue. I was completely devastated and caught off guard. The shock was the worst. I opted for D&C because I couldn’t handle the waiting. It’s been 4 days and I’m still so shocked. I feel so betrayed by my own body.


  11. I am 48 and last week confirmed pregnant with hpt. This is my 3rd pregnancy. First time at 43 miscarried at 6 weeks. Second time at 46 missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, baby died at 7weeks. Only 5 weeks now and not getting my hopes up. Really scared about another missed miscarriage and I guess at my age anything possible. Will wait another 2 weeks before I have blood test and scan. Wish me luck


  12. Also going through this now. I found out at 10+2 that there was no heartbeat and baby was nowhere near the size it should have been. It likely stopped developing about 5-6 weeks. It took my body a further 2 weeks to realise it. I went through a week of the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. 4 days of slowly increasing contractions. That was 2 weeks ago. There is still tissue remaining and no sign of it coming away on its own apart from light spotting daily. Throughout this experience the Drs and treatment I have had has been compassionless and I have been refused d&c or medication. It’s only been just over 3 weeks since we found out but it feels like months. For anyone going through this my heart goes out to you. I find the emotional strain terrible and would really like it to be over. Nature will hopefully take it’s course and life will go on. Best of luck to all of you in the same boat.


  13. Hi there I have wanted to have a baby for a few years now… I am 29 now, 30 in February. My Boyfriend and I have been together a little over 4.5 years now we both decided a year ago we wanted to sorta just try and let it happen if it will so not really forcing anything but he said to me one day “I don’t want to be 60 and trying to have a baby lol”… Although we are not married and although his family would prefer we were first, my parents do not care and neither do we.

    I have had problems getting pregnant and found out May 9th 2013 that it is because I have a irregular menstrual cycle and I don’t always ovulate…
    After my PAP May 9th my BF and I had sex that night… I found out that I was pregnant in May 28th so apparently I conceived the day after we had sex.

    I have had so much trouble getting pregnant for so long I finally thought that I possible couldn’t or that either myself or my boyfriend were not fertile. I was only 2 day’s late for my period I have had plenty of cycles that I have been as far as 12 days late and never had positive pregnancy results… I had bought 2 cheap dollar store tests and decided to do one (I don’t know how many preg’ tests I have done in that past 6 years even with my ex bf but NEVER saw a positive result… until now)…

    I did the test sat it on the counter in the bathroom and went out into the living room completely forgot about it then about an hour later I had to pee lol so I went into the bathroom saw the test sitting there and said to myself “oh ya”.. I had completely forgot about it!… I looked at it thinking to myself “ya right I’ve never seen a positive line ever not even faintly”… BUT IT WAS THERE.. VERY FAINTLY BUT IT WAS POSITIVE … I called my mom and said I think I am but.. I said I’m gonna go and get a few different tests to see if they all show positive… so I did… and every single one showed up YES positive and said 1-2 weeks so add 2 …so 3-4 weeks at that time… But when I did the online pregnancy calculator it said in week 5….

    So I found out May 28th I was pregnant then I had been sooo tired lately and been sleeping in the afternoons in between work (I work for Red Cross so I do home care and I do split shift so out every morning and then after dinner for my clients)… I also had been slightly nauseous in the mid-mornings but if I ate Breakfast I felt better.

    Then I had had cramping slightly wed and thursday… thursday more stronger… and still very tired and beat… for the 3 weeks before I had very tender breasts so I thought mabie and they were soo tender in the shower and as soon as I would get home I would take my bra off and put on a loose t-shirt and basically sleep the afternoon away until I had to get ready for work again…

    But like every time before when I thought I was pregnant I didn’t want to get my hopes up we had been trying for soo long… I woke up friday morning only knowing I was pregnant for 3 days and sooo happy
    … I got up about 6:15am that morning and I went to the bathroom sat down to pee and pulled my pants down to change and there was dark red blood… like a normal period I stood up looked into the toilet and there was more blood I was scared I didn’t have any signs from cramping in the night which I would normally have if I was going to get my period also I knew you could have slight spotting but this was bad…
    I called my mom and I guess I didn’t explain how much I was bleeding because she had said just call into work and then lay back in bed for a while and rest… so I did but the cramping started and really badly… I always have VERY bad cramping and clotting when I get my periods but this was extreme… So I woke up my boyfriend and he suggested I call tel-a-health… so I did she recommended I go straight to the hospital bc it sounded as tho it was a miscarriage :(…. I went they took me in right away.. urine test, blood test and 3.5 hours later the DR finally came back in the room and said unfortunately my HGC LEVELS WERE LOW AND GOING DOWN SO THEREFOR I AM MISCARRYING :(… I was in sooo much pain and he said there was no need to do a ultrasound…. or DNC…

    I was told by friends who have also miscarried that It is more easy to get pregnant again right after a miscarriage as they did… But I have got my period twice since the miscarriage and last moth really badly so bad I had to take a day off work I was soo soar nauseated and VERY weak soo weak I couldn’t eat it made me sick to think about eating even and I had a shower in the afternoon to go to my BF parents to pick something up and I should NEVER have been even driving I was soo weak and nauseated.

    Anyway It was very upsetting and even more bc It hasn’t been easy like my friends and others say it is easy to get pregnant again since the MISS so I am very frustrated… But I feel bloated and sometimes soar in my lower right side I am afraid I was mabie further along than I thought or really just thinking of all the worst possibilities.. cysts or cancer .. etc… I never had a ultra sound or anything…

    Anyway thanks for listening! 🙂
    I even had a client of mine who is Greek bless me and my stomach with holly water and everything twice now in the past month… crossing my fingers and praying to Mother Mary to get pregnant again.


  14. Thought this 2nd pregnancy was going smoothly. With my first pregnancy, I spotted off and on for my entire first trimester. I even had really bad cramping. The nurse line said it was fine when I was 4 weeks; the RN at my 8 week check said it was fine; the Dr at my 12 week appt said it was fine. Well it was and I have a one year old son. We decided we were ready and wanted a second child and things seemed fine. I didn’t have a lot of symptoms the first time around, nor did I this time. The implantation cramping was absent which I was fine with. My boobs never did get sore or swell. Minimal nausea but it was there from time to time. So I started to spot a little last weekend and thought nothing of it because my husband and I had sex. So it was off and on then for the past week. Again I wasn’t concerned considering how my first pregnancy went. I went for my 8 week appt yesterday and this time the RN after I mentioned my spotting said she wanted to get an ultrasound. So she sent me to u/s and that’s when I found out baby didn’t have a heartbeat. Baby measured at 6 weeks 1 day but the Dr who came to talk to me after said that often times they shrink a little afterwards which in the early stages can drastically change the estimated age. So she is thinking it maybe happened just a few days ago. I’ve still had minimal spotting and feel like nothing has changed. It was such a slap in the face to go from thinking everything was fine to find out I’m just waiting for an impending miscarriage. I go see my primary OB on Tuesday to see where things are at and discuss options. I’m hoping to avoid a D&C after talking with the Doctor Friday and reading the paperwork they gave me, I am afraid of the effects it can have on fertility. But I just don’t know how long I can handle to wait…. We hadn’t told anyone yet so I’m glad I don’t have to tell everyone this news. But I had already started thinking about how we would make our announcement and started thinking names. Feel like I must have missed something, some sign, some symptom, something. I hate the feeling of not knowing how long this will take and when we might be able to try again.


  15. I just miscarried my first pregnancy on sat the 18th of oct. I was so excited I was 8 weeks, I had been having brown discharge off and on for two weeks, but I was told that it was possibly breakthrough bleeding, spoke with different docs and midwives as I’m an ob nurse so I work with newborns and their moms. I had an ultrasound at 7 weeks and I measured 6 weeks and 2 days with a hb of 106. The 17th I went to the er, they cultured my discharge and I had another ultrasound just to be shown a baby with no hb, they gave me pain medicine and said I would miscarry naturally, my baby died measuring 6 weeks and 6 days, my God it was so painful, I had contractions and saw a small sac when it came out. It’s so hard to deal with, I’m still bleeding heavily and I’m praying that I get pregnant again soon, as I continue to take my prenatal vitamins. I hate that I am about to go to work today and see the moms and their new bundles of joy, I hope I can survive. I hate when people say at “least you know u can get pregnant u are only 30”. God bless everyone with a next healthy pregnancy and delivery.


  16. I went for my dating ultrasound yesterday, at 11w3d. I knew instantly something wasn’t right, I didn’t see a baby anywhere. Turns out all that was there was a fetal pole and a yolk sac, measuring “5 or 6, but let’s go with 6” weeks. No signs of life. I was told to wait another week because I could just not be as far along as I thought, or I could have lost the first one and gotten pregnant again. Both scenarios are impossible because we haven’t been intimate since the end of August, and I started getting my BFP’s on Sep. 1. I was really hoping that since I knew it was gone my body would soon realize it, but so far I still don’t have any symptoms of it happening anytime soon. I have had ZERO spotting this pregnancy, and my symptoms are flaming still. I would really prefer a D&C at this point, but my options won’t even be discussed until my ultrasound in 6 days. So here I am, for over 5 weeks I’ve thought I was having a healthy pregnancy and it is not at all the case. I haven’t read too many stories of people who waited this long to either have it expel naturally or to opt for a D&C, so the wait is horrible.


  17. […] A guest writer on Modern Alternative Pregnancy shares her thoughts on experiencing a missed miscarriage, and the emotional toll that that can take on the mother. This is what happened with my husband and I’s baby, and I found her post extremely thorough- especially when an MMC is a foreign concept to many. You can read this post here. […]


  18. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost a year and a half. And shockingly we found out in September 2013 that we were expecting a baby. We instantly became excited about our bundle of joy. Had already picked out names and were in the process of moving in together. We went to have an US when I was 7w 6d and our baby had a string heartbeat of 167bpm. Then at 11 w we went for a followup only to find out our baby had passed away at 9w 4d with no signs or symptoms of loss. We choose to move forward with the D&C this past Thursday when I should have been 12 weeks pregnant. Trying to heal but feel a hole in my heart. Hoping for a healthy baby in the future. But I will always remember the loss of my Angel.


  19. I am going through missed miscarriage right now. I was pregant last Oct. of 2012 and been having spotting and bleeding and end up at the ER. 2 weeks later which is seems like eternity we found out that I had ectopic pregnancy. I got pregnant again this last Sept. We are surprised but very excited. We had an early ultrasound/ transvaginal and saw the baby’s heartbeat and measured 6 weeks and 3 days. I had some spotting during bowel movement and the doctor said there is nothing to worry about it is very common. I had all the symptoms,nausea,vomiting, sore breast etc. We went to doctor yesterday for 12 weeks check up and couldnt find the baby’s heartbeat in the doppler,she did an ultrasound and did the transvaginal and she said it doesnt look good. She send us to the radiologist next door and they did another transvaginal ultrasound and theres no heart beat, the doctor confirmed that our baby died around 8 weeks and my body hasnt realized it yet. They gave us options what to do next and gave us sometime to thik about it. My husband and I went home and shock of what just happened,all this time i felt pregnant. We decided to do the D&C since its been 4 weeks that I am carrying our dead baby, Im schedule for D&C tomorrow and I am at peace with our desicion. We are in emotional wreck right now but one thing I know is that we gonna be able see those beautiful babies in heaven one day. We are trusting God that one day He will give us the baby that meant for us. Im sorry for your loss,you are not alone.


  20. I found out I had a missed miscarriage when at twelve weeks I just didn’t feel right. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I made my boyfriend convinced enough that we went to ermerg. There the doctor listened with a doplar and said there was no heartbeat and fit me in for an emergency ultrasound. The tech did a scan and then told me she had to do an internal. It was then that I knew it was over. My boyfriend wasn’t allowed in the room with me so I sat there trying to hard to hold it together but my body went into shock, I couldn’t stop shaking. The doctor back in the exam room said there was no heartbeat and then sent us home…totally not educated and with no knowledge of what was going to happen. That night I lay on the bathroom floor cramping, bleeding and throwing up. Thank god for my boyfriend who saw me through that horrible night and the next week of horror. I went to see my nurse practitioner the next day who did an internal and said I hadn’t fully lost all products of conception. She gave me the vaginal pills and when they didn’t work I had to have another ultra sound (another round of my body going into uncontrollable shakes) and then an emergency d and c. Two weeks later I got my period and another month after that I got a positive pregnancy test. I am awaiting blood tests and an ultra sound but I am dreading another miscarriage and that ultrasound room…I can’t make myself believe that this pregnancy will end in anything but another miscarriage. It doesn’t help that I have been feeling less than normal pregnancy symptoms. I wish I could just enjoy a pregnancy. Fingers and toes crossed that I am pregnant with a healthy baby this time. The support from these boards really helps. No one gets what you go through until they go through it themselves.


  21. I am going through a miscarriage right now, and don;t know what to expect.
    I found out last thursday at our 12 week scan, the heart stopped beating at 9 weeks and I just felt like I was pregnant for those next 3 weeks.
    Unfortunately, with it being the Easter Break I have yet to see my doctor, the bleeding has started and I don’t want to deal with the clotting. I am desperate to have a D & C but I’m scared that the doctor will stay because I’ve started bleeding I just have to pass it naturally.
    I don’t want to do that.


  22. Here’s my story, last saturday june 07,2014 my baby would have been 11 weeks, I was very excited, having my first baby. That morning I went to the toilet to pee, but when I sat I saw blood on my undies. I called the clinic immediately for check up, I had a transvaginal ultrasound doc said she can’t see anything thru the belly. To my dismay. the fetus only measured 6 weeks old and no heartbeat. I bursted into tears the moment she told me about the posibility of Mmc, 2 days later I started bleeding and gushing clots. After everything I went thru I still feel hopeful.


  23. I went to the emergency room on 11/23/14 at 8 weeks and 1 day according to my LMP. I had experienced some pain the night before so I wanted to make sure everything was okay. My first prenatal visit wasn’t until Dec. 15 because the obgyn told me there is little they can do or know till 10 weeks. At the emergency room the technician performing my ultra sound was able to find and show me a very strong heart beat and healthy baby growing in my uterus, that she measured at about 8 weeks and 5 days; she gave me a picture to keep and show fiance. The doctor soon followed up her visit; he assured me that the pregnancy was healthy and that I had a small subchronic hemerorage that would more than likely clear itself by the end of my first trimester. He told me to take it easy and follow up with my obgyn Asap to get a follow ultrasound and talk about more instructions. I called my newly found obgyn the next day, where the staff was completely rude and treated me and my pregnancy as unimportant or a hindrance to their schedule. So, obviously I decided to try and find another option for care. And I did!! To my surprise the receptionist and nurses were appalled at the way I was treated and the lack of follow up care. They got me in on there next available appointment which was still so time out; but they assured me I would okay till my appointment on Dec. 10th. At my appointment I was 10 weeks pregnant and a couple days. The nurse practitioner assured me that I had nothing to worry about my levels were high that they had on record, and the subchronic hemororage was pretty common. She told me to go back to work and to my regular daily activities. She said that an ultra follow up ultrasound wasn’t necessary until the following month around the first of the year; the beginning on my second trimester. But, she said she was ordering more blood work and a urine sample just to be sure everything was still on the up and up; and assured me she would call if there were any pressing issues. I was completely relived and felt sort of dumb for over reacting and worrying so about my ultrasound and e.r visit. The month passed and I grew very attached to my baby that I was sure was my first little girl; and super excited to find out the real sex within the next few weeks of my next obgyn visit. I was scheduled to be seen on 01/07/14. The doctor was very sweet and we talked over my last visit for the first 1/2 hour. “Now let’s get a hear at that heartbeat, ” she said to my fiance and I. She layer me back and began rubbing the machine on my stomach. “You have a pretty active baby; it keeps running away from me,” she said. She tried for a few more minutes but could not find a steady heartbeat, “I’m getting traces of it, but I’m not getting a steady gold on it, so let find it on the ultrasound screen!”
    “Are you sure you are hearing traces of it?” I asked as my fiance and I were hearing nothing.
    “Oh yeah, I definitely heat it, the ultrasound will just help me to see the heartbeat and get a proper rate for it.” She left the room for a moment, a moment that felt like an eternity to me. After coming back with the ultrasound machine she positioned it to where my fiance and I had a full view. And the tiny baby I saw at 8 weeks and 5 days was still there slumped to the bottom of my uterus, with no strong heartbeat this time. The baby hadn’t grown an inch from my ultrasound photo and layer on its back at the base of my uterus. She quickly removed the ultrasound wand and told us that I had lost the baby at what looks like 8 1/2 weeks…she gave us our options for removal or natural miscarriage. I could stand the thought of seeing what may have happened naturally so we decided on an D&C. I was scheduled for the next morning 01/08/14 at 7:45 am. I haven’t slept since it’s only the 9th around 3 am but I can’t get my baby’s image dead in my uterus out of my mind…I can close my eyes without seeing it, I can barely stop the image from popping into my head all day. Our baby is gone now…and I know I need to deal…I just want her back so bad I feel like I can’t breath…I need to say goodbye to her but, I don’t know how to do that…


  24. I also went for a u/s last week b/c I had a tubal reversal last summer so my fiancee and I could have a baby together. I am divorced with 2 kids and he also has 2 kids so we wanted one between us. The doctor thought that I might have an ectopic pregnancy so that was the reason for the u/s. Well, I never expected that I would be told that my baby had no heartbeat. And I was supposed to be 8w2d and I apparently only measured 7w. I have to go back next week for a follow up u/s to see if maybe my dates were wrong and to hopefully find a heartbeat. I have absolutely no miscarriage symptoms as of yet. And the emotional stress is unbearable. I have crying spells and I snap at my fiancee even though he is trying to be understanding and supportive. I just hope everything works out and if I do end up losing our baby that my body will recognize it soon so we can move on and hopefully be able to get pregnant again. I am sorry to read about everyones loses and I wish you all the best.


  25. Hi Ladies,
    I went for a private reassurance scan this morning to find out there was just an empty sack with a very small baby in, far too small as for 10 weeks of pregnancy. No heartbeat. We have been trying for a baby for about 2 yrs b4 and I fell pregnant following Assisted Conception treatment (Tamoxifen) Went for an early scan at Assisted Conception Unit at the beginning of pregnancy where they said I was 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant and me and my husband saw fluttering heartbeat on the screen. My breasts have been a bit sore to start of with but around two weeks ago they kinda went back to normal. I was told that was natural though. I didn’t want to tell people at work I had a conception treatment b4 as I didn’t want to jinx anything. Today’s news are devastating for me and my husband as we werent expecting it. I never bled or had any physical symptoms so ever so disappointed and let down. Plus rely fearful of the future and future pregnancies ending in this excruciating and devastating way. We were both overjoyed at the thought of becoming parents and now all we’ve got is the feeling of disappointment and emptiness.


  26. I had a missed miscarriage January 20th, 2015. I was so excited with it what I thought was going to be my first viable pregnancy, I sure was wrong. Baby had stopped growing four weeks prior to my appointment, I got to see my baby on the ultrasound but, we saw it was smaller than it should have been along without any kind of heart beat. Had another ultrasound which confirmed baby had died. And with it, a big part of me died with it. Doc and I discussed doing a D&C on that Thursday, baby had other plans, when I woke up the very next day, I discovered baby had started to pass itself and yet another part of my heart broke. All the way around, it was just a horrible experience. Even now, being pregnant again within 5 months of miscarrying that child, I’m petrified the same thing will happen with this one even though I’m now 14 weeks along, the fear never goes away, the only advice I can offer to anyone dealing with this is to just take things one day at a time. Couldn’t get much done besides get out of bed? That’s perfectly fine, so long as you DO get out of bed. After any kind of loss, it’s the baby steps that matter the most.


  27. I’m going through this right now. I’m 41, my husband of 4 yrs & I have been trying nearly 6 yrs & decided to do a round of IVF which started on my 41st birthday. On April 12th we got the news that my HCG was 1366 & the clinic were expecting multiple pregnancies & our first scan was 2 weeks later at 6 weeks 5 days. The midwife could not find anything apart from a yolk & sac & it too the gynae to spot a fetal pole & a faint heartbeat so they gave survival a 50/50 chance. Our scan at 7 wks 4 days showed a tiny bit of growth & a strong heartbeat so we were more upbeat about the pregnancy. Today, our baby hasn’t grown & the heartbeat has disappeared so it looks like we had a missed miscarriage. We’ve a scan to confirm tomorrow & the Hosp with discuss our options. The little baby is still attached to my uterus & the sac & uterine lining are still reacting to a pregnancy along with all the pregnancy signs I’m feeling. The gynae reckons it will take up to 4 weeks to miscarry naturally but I do not want to have to continue going through this pain & am considering a d & c. Life can be so cruel & my heart goes out to all you ladies & their partners who’ve had to go through this pain!


  28. Sad for all of us. At my 5th pregnancy, I felt life at about 4 1/2 months – for about a week – then silence. I was an OB nurse so finally knew that the baby wasn’t alive anymore … but still hoped that I was wrong. Went to OB doctor (with whom I had worked), he listened for a long while, then looked at me sympathetically and just nodded and, after a moment, suggested I come back in a week to check again. My husband and I decided not to tell anyone except my Mother (later we told his parents). When we went back to the doctor, he listened, took a deep breath, and nodded again. In a moment he explained that I would have to wait for my body to decide to deliver the baby. In those days (1966) it was believed that with a D & C many mothers hemorrhaged and some died. OK, we said – what else could we have done? In the midst of the confusion and upheaval, I realized I blamed myself for the loss because at first I hadn’t wanted another baby (our 4 kids were FINALLY all in school) though by 3-4 months along I was remembering how I loved rocking a baby and all the other experiences. And my morning sickness had been quite severe so I finally took a med the doctor had ordered…and the baby died…and I blamed myself for taking the med. We finally told the children that our new little girl had died. Our oldest son (a sweet and well-mannered boy, a thinker who was often in the room physically but not paying attention to any of us – doing math or something or thinking about the article he had read in the encyclopedia) – anyway he responded when I said ‘our baby died’ by saying absently “That’s nice.” We were all shocked, but it was hard not to laugh. The next few months and years were like that – a mix. We still didn’t tell any friends or more family. As time passed and I was more than 6 month ‘pregnant’, the doctor suggested that I accompany my husband to a conference in Chicago – ‘you need a change, some life away from this’ – and he would arrange for a doctor friend of his to take care of me if something started (the friend was Chief of Staff at the Chicago OB hospital). We went and the second night, signs of imminent labor began. We decided we wanted to be in Minneapolis with our families and doctors just in case. So we changed our reservations, called the doctor and our parents, caught the plane and went right to the hospital. Labor was hard – all I could think was that the usual softening of the pelvic floor and uterus hadn’t happened so the labor was pushing against strong muscles. The doctor wanted to heavily sedate me ‘so you won’t remember all this’ – but I had a fit. I NEED to REMEMBER this! or I’ll never put it to rest. And my husband NEEDS to be there! So he only “lightly” sedated me. When she was born, he woke me. She looked like a Barbie doll. When I finally told my friends, they were appalled – they felt they had been so stupid not to have seen what we were going through at our house. To all of you: It took me a while to work through it – if I ever have. I have woven the experience into fiction I have written and done whatever occurred to me over the years. I


  29. I am now on the sixth ‘missed’ miscarriage, I should be in the 14th week, but they found no fetal heartbeat at 12 weeks. The HCG levels have shown decline, but no symptoms of miscarriage so far. I have had 9 pregnancies, but only 3 successful. I have found that God has a plan for us all and it is not always what we want or would hope for. My family is blessed with three wonderful girls. My husband and I always wished for a big family, but it has not meant to be. Although it is very emotionally draining, my family lives in the hope that if something is meant to be, then it will happen.


  30. Im 28 years old and had two pregnancies which both end in a missed miscarriage. Me and my husband are wondering what causes it..
    My first pregnancy was in nov of 2015. I remember going to my 8 w appointment thinking we heard a flutter and 2 weeks later 10 weeks nothing was there.. I had no bleeding nor cramping ..d n was on for jan 2016.. Me and my hubby decided to wait a good year and then start trying again..june 29 2017 i tested positive for pregnancy i was happy ..he was happy..i follow up with my Obgyn did normal routine blood work to check my hcg.. Was great at 5 w 6d which i was measuring but should have been at 6w 6d according to my last period on may 31. we saw a yolk sac and a embryo but no heartbeat. 2 weeks later 7w 6d bigger growth but no heart beat .. Dr said i was gonna misscarry..we both cried.. I repeated the u.s the following week
    8w 6d no movement no growth .baby looked like it died at 6weeks..
    I didnt wanna go thru the whole process of mc at d n c was on 8 3 2017..i would have been 9w and 4 d..
    Im having a hard time wrapping my head on this if i did the right thing..
    I have no issue getting pregnant its keeping the babies pass the 6-8week part..
    Im hoping to go on for testing for me and my hubby.. So when we do try again to prove are changes.
    Not a day goes by i dont think of my little beans my 2 little beans that passed away..before i could have carry them to full term.
    Or wonder how they would have been like.
    There is hope for the future…i just hope im able to produce…all i ever wanted was to be a mom. Ill get my chance some day


  31. I went through this in March-April 1998. The pregnancy was the result of a night of weakness between my ex and I. At one time in our relationship, we were planning on spending our lives together…in fact, when I met his dad, one thing he asked my ex was how serious we were and my ex replied “I’m gonna marry her someday”…

    Three years later, he left me and my dreams. I’m certainly not blaming him and despite ending things, we clearly still cared for each other which is why we still spent so much time together.

    He began dating and to escape my heartache, I joined friends on a trip to Mexico that was meant to last almost four months but I was having physical symptoms of being very unwell. My periods came but they were different, more painful, heavier and I was passing small clots. I saw a local doctor who assured me it was the change in stress and climate, He gave me some vitamins to help with energy and that was all.

    I knew something was wrong when cramps became the difference between going out for the day and enjoying ourselves with local friends to me laying in bed all day. I phoned my mom and she arranged for my ticket return dates to be changed to return about six weeks before I had planned. I was having weekly phone calls with my ex we missed each other but not in a way that was necessarily romantic. I told him I was flying home soon and he said to call him when I got back so we could hang out and catch up. I asked if his girlfriend would mind and he said things weren’t working out with her and he didn’t know what was going on but he was looking forward to just catching up as I said.

    In the two weeks before I flew home, I got sicker. Sweating all the time, loads of pain and confusion. My mom took me to the doctor the minute I was back in California staying with her. That was when I found out I was pregnant. It was absolutely the last thing I even thought was going on.

    Upon exam, the doc referred me to gyn. The gyn in the small town where my mom and grandma lived was very one minded about this. As a religious man, he’d do a D&C but preferred that I let my body handle what he called a missed miscarriage. I had never heard of anything like it.

    I was put on antibiotics and meds for pain and told to rest. He said that eventually my body would do what it was supposed to over the next few weeks but I would see him weekly until “it” happened.

    I tried to call my ex daily. I couldn’t figure out how the ex and now friend who couldn’t wait to hang out and catch up with what was happening in our lives had suddenly chose to avoid me. He didn’t know about the pregnancy or miscarriage. Only my mom and grandma did and without them, I’m honestly not sure if I would have made it. I was deeply depressed, verging on suicidal in a very serious way.

    When “hell week” as I call it began, I had been crying non stop for nearly a month. One morning, I woke up and felt my pad and underwear wet. Did I sleep through changing a pad? I was home alone. At that time I was living with my grandma and she had left early for a doc appointment. When I pulled off my covers I was absolutely shocked to find a very dark colored blood mixed with red blood and clots in my bed. How did I sleep through this????

    I was shaking afraid to move. I had cramps and I remember very little except when I stood up, something slid down my leg, it was clear, like uncooked egg white, it wasn’t until I picked it up I saw pink tissue inside and freaked out, it was my 9 week old fetus that I was looking at. My gyn never said that would happen but my mom was a nurse who knew a lot about this and my grandmother had miscarried twins after an auto accident.

    I phoned my mom at work ad she flew to my grandma’s house to get me. She took the sac and my nightgown and underwear with us. The doctor, as it turns out was happy she did, I’d lost a lot of blood and he checked me in for a D&C and kept me in the hospital for three days.

    I still had not been able to reach my ex and now more than ever, I needed him as a friend, I needed to tell him we’d gotten pregnant after our night together after the break up.

    If not for my mom and grandma, I don’t know what I’d have done. I was completely alone otherwise.

    The “joke” of it all was that the day I finally got my ex on the phone, and this is too horrific and heart breaking to make up, but the day I’d finally spoke to him was when I finally reached him at work was Mother’s Day 1998.

    The rest of the call I was trying to find a way to tell him we should
    speak in person and asking why he hadn’t returned my calls in over a month or more and he said that when he told the girlfriend that he was unsure of that I was coming home early and we were going to spend some time together and his girlfriend said something about “well I’m pregnant”.

    I screamed but no noise came, I just cried and cried just uncontrollably. He told me the details that she was too far along for them to “do anything” … I didn’t have heart to tell him even in looking back, I should have. I should have said i’ve been through hell, I needed you! But I didn’t. A few years ago we ran into each other on social media and now…he knows. He doesn’t know the details of my experience, I wish he did because I lost contact with him after he told me. His wife could not be more possessive of him if she tried.

    This month would have been my baby’s 19th birthday. I wonder a lot, WHAT IF I never miscarried? What would he do with a sort of ex fiancee type gf (me) and the girl he just started dating after we broke up? Be sister wives?

    He apologized for me going through it alone but he doesn’t know the details…he doesn’t know the due date is potentially his own birth date.

    I find the older I get, the more I want HER to know she hoarded the love of my life at a time when I needed his support. I was 30 then. Since, I found out I have endometriosis and adenomyosis. It is likely I would have miscarried again … and again.

    My only regret is not asking for him to help me deal with the emotional damage when I finally spoke to him.


  32. although very unfortunate and i feel for all of you ladies I’m just glad i don’t have to go through this alone i had been hoping for a baby since i lost my virginity at 18 (ikr pretty young) but in my heart i always knew i was destined to be a wife and a mother and at 18 i pretty much had it all figured out(at least i thought) that is until life gave me a reality check anyways i had been trying for a baby since 18 but nothing happened i would be so frantic looking at websites Similar to this one even downloading the pregnancy app and every time i would i miss a period run to the nearest convenience store and grab a pregnancy test even sometimes fill my boyfriends head with false hope i had done this for some many years that i actually started to give up and then one day out of the blue at 27 yrs old i started feeling nauseous and sick i finally went to the hospital under the request of my mother because it is now flu season and pneumonia weather as my mother call it i went to the emergency room because i had been sick for some time now i went and to my suprise the doctors told me i was pregnant i was shocked and elated all at the same time i started telling my friends and family and co-workers i was going for my first appointment 2 weeks later when the day before i started bleeding just regular bleeding like a menstrual period no pain was associated with it and i didn’t panic right at first since the day before i had spoken with my aunt and she told me she had regular periods with both of her children all the way up to her fourth month of pregnancy and my bf sister had her period up to her third month so hearing stories like these didnt cause for concern right away since i knew it was possible also reading other ladies stories on the web but i decided to tell my mom anyway just in case (I’m one of those better safe than sorry kind of people and overly cautious) so my mom rushed me to the emergency room saying that i could be miscarrying long story short the doctor did an ultra sound and found my baby had no heart beat i didnt believe the doctor right away because this was the baby i had prayed for no way god would grant me a wish as big as this and thten take it a way so abruptly i knew the doctors was lying so i went for my regular scheduled appointment which was the very next day and pretended everything was normal hoping they would say something different before i was called in the room i went to the bathroom and prayed for what seemed like an eternity for a better result but the results remained the same i found out i was 8 weeks and 5 days pregnant and my baby had no heart beat i go in tuesday for a third opinion as doctors ordered and a d&c if results remain the same although i was confused and heart broken atleast i got the chance to be someones mother even if only for a moment i thank god i got to experience what it’s like and had an actual reason for all those names i picked out as a teenager ( although looking back some were just ridiculous lol) but im just writing you all to let you know that god does answer prayers i almost gave up hope and just when i did god showed me that anything is possible as long as you have faith in him stay strong women and keep your heads bowed and prayers up it will happen when the time is right another thing this pregnancy has taught me is to get my life together now bacause i never know when god might bless me again


  33. I have a missed miscarriage
    so at 7 weeks I had my ultrasound Dec 8 I seen the baby and hear the baby’s heartbeat was happy then at 12 weeks jan 12,2018 I went for my 2 ultrasound they told me the baby stop developing at 9 weeks this was my 5 pregnant have 3 daughter’s that are healthy now me and my new husband been wanting a child together and we leave it we are so devastated we are going to try again but scared.going to do a d&c tomorrow.


  34. I found out Christmas Eve just gone I was pregnant with baby number 4, was a shock at first but we


  35. I just went through a missed miscarriage. Went in for my 13 weeks ultrasound only to find out that the baby had died at 9 weeks. The shock of it swept me away. I chose to have a medical abortion, the thought of waiting any longer crushed me. What helped me a lot was amazing hospital staff who walked me through every step. They gave me pain medication and were there to talk when ever I needed. Also my husband who is hurting too was there for me. Friends who I could talk to and open up to where incredibly important for me during the week between getting to know and finally miscarrying. I was


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I’m Kate, mama to 5 and wife to Ben.  I love meeting new people and hearing their stories.  I’m also a big fan of “fancy” drinks (anything but plain water counts as ‘fancy’ in my world!) and I can’t stop myself from DIY-ing everything.  I sure hope you’ll stick around so I can get to know you better!

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