Part 2 of “Our Story.” Based on the comments on the first half, I must ask all of you to read this with an open mind. Please also note that is ONLY our experience and we are not recommending anything to anyone else. We welcome honest questions and differing opinions, but please refrains from insults and personal attacks. We are all adults here (I hope) and need to behave as such. Thanks!
I left the end of part 1 of our story with our wedding date: July 29th, 2006. But I did skip a lot of parts of our dating experience, and haven’t talked at all about our early marriage experience. I’m going to get to that now.
Ben and I talked a LOT when we were dating. It was partially because we lived two hours apart and most days didn’t see each other. But it was also because we both love to think, analyze, and discuss things to death. So much so that my mother once told me I shouldn’t marry him because we were acting like it was “business transaction” instead of a relationship (we didn’t feel that way though!). We are just very intense, analytical people. Truly so much that by the time we got to our premarital counseling, we had already thoroughly discussed most of the issues they threw at us.
We knew exactly what we wanted from life: where we wanted to live, who would work and doing what, how many kids we wanted and when, and lots more.
I remember one day we were discussing having kids. We’d talked about it quite a lot already, but we were driving up to an outdoor concert in Cleveland (Cincinnati Pops play John Williams, if you’re interested) and we talked about it most of the way there. I said I had always wanted 4: two boys and two girls (as if I get to pick). Ben said he thought 5 was a good number. I said, okay, that sounds good. There was a lot more to it than that, but I can’t recall remember all the details of the situation anymore. But we were sure.
So then we got married. We went to Disney World for our honeymoon at the end of July and beginning of August. We only had three days because Ben had just started a new job (the one he has now) and didn’t really have any vacation time. I was still in college then, slated to graduate the following spring. I said to him, “You know, we could try for a baby in September and I could finish most of school, then go back when the baby is a few months old.” He said NO. At that time we were using birth control. Our parents knew how eager we were to have children, and advised us to wait to even try until I was completely finished with college.
Well, it ended up that I was going to finish everything November 2007. So in February we sat down and I said, “This is the first month we could try and I could still finish school.” So we decided to see what would happen. I haven’t taken any birth control since that time. It only took us until May, when we conceived Bekah. It was a hot, hot summer and I was nauseous and tired and our central air broke…rather miserable first trimester.
The pregnancy and other details aren’t really important. We were thrilled — and terrified — to become parents. Ben couldn’t really relate at all because he had no idea what to expect. He was supportive but generally uninterested in the details of pregnancy because it just wasn’t real to him (it became real VERY FAST after Bekah came and the second time wasn’t like that at all).
A truly important part of our marriage was December, 2007. Bekah was due the following month and Ben had saved up his vacation all year, and he took nearly the entire month off. We spent lazy days sitting together, talking, reconnecting after all the busy-ness of our lives. This time we had really changed us and brought us closer together — just in time for Bekah to arrive!
I like to joke that our life has happened in 9-month segments. We got married in Jul. 06, then I got pregnant in Apr. 07 (found out in May), 9 months later. Bekah arrived in January 08, 9 months after that. When she was 9 months old I got pregnant with Daniel, and of course he arrived 9 months later. Now he’s almost 6 months old, so we’ll see what happens in a few more months! 🙂
The reason I’ve written this is because I’m launching into a series on Biblical marriage and family. Ben and I have studied this carefully (and continue to on a regular basis). We have gone through some devotionals together, and have listened to some sermon series on the Biblical family (his father gave us a set on CD right after we got married). We’ve also read several books. Despite all this, I don’t think our marriage has been as Godly as it could be, or should be. I’m hoping to share everything I have learned and am learning with you so that you can take this journey with me, to make your marriage better.
I’ve also chosen to do this because recently, it has really hit me that we are still at the beginning of our marriage. We don’t thoroughly know each other yet. Yes, we’ve known each other almost 5 years and have been married about 3.5 years. Yes, we talk all the time and we “know” each other quite well by anyone’s standards. But think about this: how many times have you seen a favorite movie, or read a favorite book? So many that you could recite it word-for-word. Yet, each time you watch it or read it, you notice some tiny, subtle nuance that you didn’t before. “I never realized that character wore that shirt then,” or “Oh, that sentence didn’t say quite what I thought it did.” These are details that many would consider unimportant, and if you’re looking at the general story line, they are. But when you’re talking about this level of detail in your marriage, those kinds of things ARE very important. I have a feeling that when we have been married for 25 or 30 years that we’ll be like that. We’ll know each other so well, be so completely entrenched in one another, that we could never be separated. We’ll be two halves of a whole, as God commands us to be.
But first we have to spend a lifetime trying to get there, by loving one another and doing the best we can to know and cherish and respect one another. And that is why I’m writing this now.
That’s most of our story. If I’ve forgotten anything, I’ll try to remember and tell you!
Are you ready to learn more about the Bibical marriage and family life? Do you have any resources to share with us?
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